Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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