hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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