we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
