...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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