Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
