I just saw a hot homeless man
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
