I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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