i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
