Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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