So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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