you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
