his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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