just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
