you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
