You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My dick has a subreddit
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
