I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
