His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
