Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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