So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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