he told me I talked like a deaf person
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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