Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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