I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
