I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
