can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
