I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
