just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
