I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You ate ashes out of my bong
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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