HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
