dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
