he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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