You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
