Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
