I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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