Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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