3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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