Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
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