dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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