Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
