Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
