well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
