sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
