Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
