do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
