it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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