the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
