when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
