i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
