Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Your penis caused this!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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