what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
