we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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