I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
