Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
