Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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