And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
