you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
