you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
